Majoring in Boys

Bob came to the office yesterday for no apparent reason other than to see who was around and visit a little.

The place that I work is located in the middle of farming country and Bob is one of the neighbors. Bob is one of those delightful old codgers that you wish there were more of. He is the one that takes care of things if you go on a trip. He is the one that calls to let you know who the newest deaths, births, and injuries are. He always has a joke in his pocket and loves to kid around with people. Granted, you hear some of the same jokes and same stories over and over, but with Bob, you don’t really mind it.

Bob calls occasionally and every time his opening greeting is “Is this the sec’atary?” I always have to smile at his drawl. He comes by the office occasionally and every time we have to talk about how times have changed. He doesn’t like Wal-Mart. “Everything is cheap!” he says, “They don’t carry Stetsons; they don’t have [unknown brand] shoes; they don’t have suits of clothes. It’s all cheap! I remember when you’d go up around the square and go to one store to get your shoes, to another store to get your hat, and to another store to get your clothes. And if you didn’t like what one store had, you’d go to the next’n.”

Bob is very disgruntled that no one has manners anymore. “Why, if you hold the door open for a woman, she’s liable to smack ya,” he says, “The children are disrespectful; no more ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’, they’ve taken over the schools. Why I remember when…” and on he goes. He was telling me yesterday that he’s got pictures at home of when “they hung three black boys on the cedar tree in town.” I think he’d still support hanging people because then people would behave themselves. He might be right.

So yesterday after we’d discussed how the world is in shambles, we went on to other topics. I told him that starting next week I won’t be in the office in the mornings anymore because I’ll be in school. He wanted to know where I’m going and what I’m majoring in. I told him I’m going to WKU, and I’m majoring in accounting. “Oh,” he said seriously, “I thought maybe you’d be majoring in Boys.” I wasn’t expecting a comeback like that at all and it yanked a laugh right out of me. He, of course, got a big kick out of it. So then he proceeded to go off on some tangent about how when you first start a relationship it’s like a broom. At first, it’s all nice and new and you do a good job, but after a while the broom gets worn down and you don’t do such a good job. His conclusion on the matter was “Well, you’ll do fine. You’ll get a good’n.” I just shook my head.